10

sad endings
they're gut wrenching
they're uncoventional
they open old wounds
they're real

I like to say that most stories begin
with celebratory songs and fun
opening numbers and a wondrous production
it's enchanting and it's filled with
hands holding and locked eyes

you've never seen me as I lived
the life I aspired to be
I flew and flew so high
but I've heard your jazz playing
all the time
even when I'm asleep
I hear it when I'm walking
it says goodbye

my heart it remembers
my head nods
life moves on

it never stops for me
it never stops for you
for us

I wonder about the what ifs
I have grown so imaginative
you see it, too, don't you?

our ending was sad
but it was perfect
for reasons that we've learned
I learned a lot

six feet under

Desires come in packages. I bought one, out of the blue, while walking down a dark place in which I have never cared to walk upon. On the smooth grey streets from where I live, I took myself walking and had some incredible realizations "fit for a noble prize," I said. I said many things. I don't mean all of them, just some. Walking reminds me of my real goal and that is to move forward internally. I'm quite forgetful and slow to catch up on everything. It's a common pitfall to say that you can't do it when you really can and I meet the sad faces when they realize they missed the opportunity to witness themselves doing what they thought they couldn't. Shame.

I circled back to my usual route. I could feel the sweat on my forehead and the violent churning of my stomach fluids. I met my half sister when she was seven. We fought a lot about clothes and my parents' attention. That goes from day to night. Even during meals. We fight with pride. Our parents never cared whether we're doing fine. All they bothered and went on about was whether we have enough money. They fight about it with pride. Even during meals.

I slowed my pace and took a left. It was natural for me to take that left. Alice was my one friend. We once saw a car parked across a gasoline station and the man that didn't move. We called for help and ended up running towards the forest where we talked for hours and swore to never repeat what we shared to anyone ever again. Alice was a curious girl. She showed me where fairies lived and where oceans go when they're hungry. She brought me a star. It twinkles. It stopped twinkling when I held it. I showed Alice to which she said, "indeed, it did." One thing, I enjoyed was how sentimental she would go. She even kept a picture of their family in her blue jean jacket that she always wore. We would meet down the street during afternoon after school and walk and pass by houses that was never our own. Sometimes, when we feel like it we visit Mrs. Burke, her mom. They have the same face.  She'd give us fresh milk and wheat bread and we'll spend the whole day at their backyard and we'd wait for my star to twinkle once again. Alice was older than me. It was my pleasure to have her around for I've always wanted to be mentored.

One time, when I got home, I saw my father sitting on his chair in the living room. I walked lightly fearing that I might disturb his tranquil. He seemed to have had a long day at work. I noticed that my mother wasn't anywhere to be found so, I thought, maybe she'll be here when I wake up. Tomorrow came and she was still gone. I called out for my sister and father but they, too, seemed to have went somewhere. My heart felt heavy like something was pressing it and it wanted out of my chest but I couldn't understand it. I tried to chase it but it went and it got complicated.

I held my star. My back stayed on the floor. I got it tied down to my neck and I stared at it all day long. I just wanted it to twinkle the way it used to. Why was it that it stopped doing what it was meant to do?

I walked to the trees and I saw Alice behind a pine tree singing a song. Her voice stretched upwards.

"Hey, what are you up to?" I asked. She smiled so wide and told me to sit beside her. She told me about my family and how she met them. "Do you miss them?" I didn't see them all morning, I told her. And I kept trying to recall how she could've gotten to know them. I haven't brought her to our home. Alice lived in a place called a hospital. I remembered the smell. Sometimes, my mind reminds me of things and I'd feel my blood rushing through my body and I wonder what that meant. It's not easy for me to remember what's real and what's not these days. I get it all mixed up terribly. Today, I faced the mirror. One of my self-reflection episodes. It has been 2 months without seeing my family.

I looked far across the town and just like that, I lost the beating of my heart. It's a warm afternoon. Everything felt still and breathing. I could hear it all with just one ear open. I love the chatter and soft cracks whenever I step on dried leaves. I saw a man with a folded newspaper placed under his armpit. He's like a person fresh out of a black and white movie. His face like he was falling from an ivory tower. I see it all the time. Before it was just an alternative sound but it seems like everyone has adapted to it. Motionless, I was. But I remained standing. I haven't heard from Alice. It's quite lonely without her. I've gotten used to not seeing everybody else. I don't think she'll come back.

I turned nineteen. That's when I fell off the pavement. I was held under machines and I drank countless of bitter medicine. I was glad they had pudding. I wailed every night. I had only a few memories to play out. I stared at the ceiling telling myself, "better, I'll get better tomorrow."

I didn't.

sea of sameness (and other ponderings)

Hi there, friends!

I learned that I've been squandering my time by focusing on the inessential things. So, I figured might as well write about it and find out some answers whence help could possibly be found.
I really desire to be more of an obliging fellow. It has been a thought resting in the back of mind and to be honest here, that is where I obtain life lessons and patches of constructive ideas that have the most potential to be beneficial. So, I lie in there most days. Even in my mind I'm lazy. Just. Great.

To be more willing to serve others means being selfless. The act of letting go of my own desires. I think being that is something that you have to step into first. Decide until it becomes your nature.
I feel like I haven't been paying attention to the way I respond to certain things especially now that I am at the point of my life wherein I know I have grown and changed. I know the things that I should do but it seems like the way I express it still has some catching up to attend to.
It's like the same crisis I contended with for a while for the past few months. And I genuinely learned a lot from that. And for now, I just really need to feel those things tingle in me and truly unravel.
I think now I have to really move on from the things that do not represent me anymore. Because I feel like I still am holding on to things that I know are ready to leave. Such as the fact that I am no longer supposed to not make my bed in the morning when I wake up or skip meals! It's incredible how I miss out on the basics and wonder why I ain't moving at the pace that I know I'm supposed to go.

So, pray for my dear soul as I attempt to break what routine created.

One more month and this year ends. It's surreal that 2017's already coming to a close. And my goals still haven't been met. I'm a little bit discouraged so, I really have to make the most of the remaining weeks of this year. Make something worthwhile.

In our youth church, we've been planning an event for Christmas. And we're about to do something different that we haven't done before; a skit. I can sincerely tell you how stressful it is. The worry is there because I am part of the people who'll be working behind the scenes and it's a privilege but at the same time a place wherein it definitely feels like you're carrying so much of it on your shoulders. There's script writing, casting and making sure of their availability, stage design, and overall root work. And what makes it even more fun is the time limit. We have to finish everything on time. I had a hearty talk with God about it because it discourages me how easily people would give up. And it reminds me of my own little strength and how I couldn't and will never accomplish anything through my own efforts. God reminds me that the pressure is not the many things I have to do but it resides on how I handle it. I always just have to remember that it's not about me or anything else but God.
I still worry when suddenly some people need to be pulled out of the cast or when they can't attend practices. It seems like I'm trying to do my best but everyone else is just doing the opposite. But it doesn't matter my circumstances or what I feel because it's God's promises that I am holding unto.

Writing Club. Well, I've been writing my short story and there are still some questions floating in the air that are still quite stuck there. Staring at me waiting to crush me or something. It's absolutely intimidating! But I am working on it and trying to just keep moving forward. I don't know exactly how I'm going to bounce and send my outline / introduction for I still am working on that. There is just too big of a plot hole that I have to figure out and once that's done, I'll update you all about it and give you guys a glimpse of the story.

Going back to my struggle with using my time on inconsequential things, I know what I'm supposed to do now. And that is to really pursue productivity. I've said that way too many times, it's hard to believe but I really have to do it now and stick by it. I'll be starting an actual bullet journal as well. So, hopefully that works out!

C ya later, alligator.

Something from 2016

I've been awake since 3am

so I'm not really up for small talks

maybe it's too much and I can't mend 

or grasp anything

or I suppose it's too nothing at all

that the walls stay and the 

inevitable moves on

if I were to move slowly

will that change anything?

what good will that bring? 

welcome to my humble abode

oh, I hope you enjoy the facade

and the trees and the shade

I like the subtleties that for a long time went 

by unnoticed

you saw the sights but I bet you don't have

any idea how you got here

you poured your entire soul without wanting 

anything in return

so let's begin with honesty

have our backs tell our stories

I've been awake since 3am

so I'm not really up for small talks

If ever you come around

To East,

I hate the pond
it is too still.... and it hears me
it is not like the wall that hits me
with the words
I said and makes me realize
my wrong.... it accepts me

when I look at it
I tear up and
it empties me.... but also fills me

I scream, I shout
it doesn't say anything in
return to stop me.... it makes small
lapping waves with low sounds
telling me that it understands me

I hate the pond
maybe because it's
blue.... and your eyes were too

I hate the pond because
even if I want to.... I can't


I wish you the best,
West

some people ask me what it's like to examine
a heart - its thoughts and feelings
and endeavored to bring back with a strict hand
what was in boundless waste
into common sense

the mere thing that I can tell you
is to trust the unvarnished tale
don't reject what is real

stamp it indelibly into your heart

I don't know what is it about you that I feel akin to

I was drinking my morning cup of tea

fat clouds coming off of it 

and I could taste your words on my tongue 

I queue in the breakfast special 

concealing my sentiments 

all that surround me lively as larks

engaged in conversations with splendid volumes

they mean little compared to you

who's one 

an intrepid mystery

I realize that distance and uncertainty 

sever us widely 

some days my hands are folded 

some days I laugh that I find myself 

back by the hearth 

I chatter to myself like a wren

you should hear me

my feet well warmed 

sitting up late at nights with 

just the thought stuck in the air

you're like the summer moon, unclouded 

entering at passage windows 

leaving clues by forming forms 

you never go unnoticed 

Animal Farm by George Orwell — a short analysis

This is a book that I find fascinating in broad strokes. I could talk lots about this but I know I wouldn't be able to talk about everything I'd like to in this post. So, I figured I'd focus on one or two topics. I'd touch on symbolism, some important characters, and my overall reaction in the entirety of the book.

A bit of a background: according to Orwell, this was written during the events leading up the Russian Revolution and then into the Stalinist era. This is a political fable. A retelling of the story of the materialization and development of the Soviet communism. I have read and studied little about Communism before reading this book. So, I didn't really know what to expect but I knew the fact that it was stinging critique of that which of the Russian Revolution.

Communism in this text was introduced as Animalism which was based on the ideologies of Old Major. He was a well-respected old boar and he wildly cared for his fellow animals. He believed that Man was the problem and if animals would stay together then they will, altogether, reap the rewards due to them. The animals were inspired, rebelled against Mr. Jones' Manor Farm and embraced Animalism that would in hopes stage progress and justice. Major's political speech is notable for it displays how it can be used to move crowds. Like addressing the audience as "comrades". He places himself to have reached a degree of wisdom  through his long life. Major had the rhetorical skills and great ability to share his indignation with the other animals.

But Old Major's idealism didn't turn out to be what anyone expected it to. So, what went wrong? Why didn't it work out for the working class animals?

Animalism, at first at least, seems brilliant. The animals equally own the farm and they don't mind working hard. Everyone works to the best of their abilities and benefits. The rebellion is a success. The harvest is great and they meet together every Sunday to debate farm policy ending every time with the patriotic tune "Beasts of England".

Boxer is a horse and has exceptional strength. He is a great asset to the farm. His personal maxim is "I will work harder" and he rises early to pledge his devotion to the animals' cause. He is the most valuable member of the windmill building team. Although, his strength is incredibly matched with his naivete and stunning innocence which led to his unfortunate fate. In contrast to Boxer, we have Mollie who is a shallow materialist who only cares about vanity. Her concerns about the revolution are prompted by her ego. To her, politics and struggle mean nothing.

Snowball is an animal best attuned to Old Major's philosophy and adapted to it clearly by devoting himself into bettering the other animals in moral, physical, and many other ways. He brings literacy so that all animals could grasp the principles of Animalism.

The flaw, rather, of Old Major's thinking is that he places total blame over on Man for all the animals' hardships and ills. "Remove Man from the scene," then "the root cause of hunger and overwork" will be abolished forever." It is a one-dimensional thinking which pays no heed to the desire for power innate in all living things.

"In fighting against man, we must not come resemble him." A principle majorly (whoop, pun intended. sorry can't help it) disregarded by Napoleon who can only be accredited to his hunger for power. His very first action when his revolution is won is to steal the cows' milk for the pigs and that says a lot about who he is as a dominant. Unlike most animals who fight against tyranny what Napoleon has taken from Old Major is the opportunity to establish himself as a dictator. He commits crimes against his own comrades but his greatest misdemeanor is turning into Jones casually sharing a drink with Mr. Pilkington. Although, in the book Napoleon is much more austere and forbidding than Jones ever was. Napoleon's final propaganda, changing the seventh commandment from "All animals are equal." to "All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others."

As I've mentioned, I wouldn't be able to say everything that my mind can speak about Animal Farm.
So, I recommend you to read this one hundred percent and approach it with an open mind taking notes of what the characters represent even the minor ones. It is my first time reading this book and it definitely is on my list of my five all time favorite books for sure, for sure! I can't believe I passed on this book for such a long time. This has always been so highly acclaimed in the book world. Finally, I put myself up for it. I really enjoyed every bit of this book. You can easily flip through it. It's pretty straight forward to its themes. I learned a lot from it as well. How information could be altered to the advantage of who is in charge and how that affects uninformed beings in the society. Teaches you not to be too concerned with your own agenda and actually care for what is going on around you. I just love the simplicity of this in general but at the same time how it forces you to think. It is written to be understood. The message is clear and it can be applied not only in a political landscape. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did and a lot of people have.

c ya.

Today I noticed...

Today I noticed that I miss waking up early. The smell of the fresh batch of sun rays glistering through the window panes. It passes through the clouds and the cracks of my room divider and I requite its friendliness staring at it with little fear. Perfection meeting the half woken bed head with dirty hair and cold feet. I like its warmth and how that comes in with the dust in the atmosphere of my room in certain packages and it differs every day but the weight of it all somehow remains the same. I touch it once and my hands stay with it with simplicity. Nowadays, you can get anything with one click. People would buy their hearts online; switch it open to wander and leave trails of fluttering emotions making you wonder about why they put that plastic in their cart. I open my eyes a little wider. I see the rest of the world just falling asleep from the stress they have been feeding their store bought hearts with. I wish they bought sun beams instead. Maybe they have forgotten their quietly pumping hearts. Perhaps, it's quietly angry. It's a curious thing. 

I gaze and close my eyes and open them again until I am completely awake. I am wrapped up in the coolness of the sails and anchored by the enchanting light I see from above the bubbling water. It's spectacular. Terribly thrilling as it lines up and strokes the deep parts of the ocean blue. I would breathe the lightness of the air and exhale the expression of my stomach hungry for a heavy breakfast. Frankly, I do not want that feeling to end but I know that the enjoyment would last. It would come again the next day but the fact of life remains that that is uncertain. I don't want to be dependent on something as precarious as tomorrow. So, I hope for today to be great. Different but still familiar. Simple but also adventurous. They go hand in hand. Like how the little brother took his little sister's hand in his. It fits. It makes sense. The sun, high in the sky, would creep in privily through my head and it would shine down through my toes and I would be in the state of consciousness. I loved waking up early because it would feel like I’ve walked through meadows and drank refreshingly from little brooks leaping brightly. I press my feet harder on the ground and count the stairs going down. I'm dancing merry in the open space. All fear have sprang out of my skin. It must've found its place in an empty cupboard. It hides. Perhaps, fear fears itself. 

 Waking up early makes sense to me. My eyes hurt from using the screen to much and they stick together as long as they like. I am half woken once again. I realize that I stay too much of a time on the simulated world. I miss not only the morning but the rest of the day. I am in danger. Some days, I deny that I am. It's a jest; foolish and it growls at me. I meet the morning brazen. Thence, I know where I am going. I've been missing that lately and I noticed it today. 

candid

Please don't sleep late and ruin your body clock til you're fifty. I must say, I have to continually remind myself of this. 3 months of bad sleep and counting.... definitely not a thing to celebrate about! I am free versing. I have no concrete idea on what to write about. This is basically a fraction of my actual journal. Maybe that's the idea — To digitalize (bts: this word is marked as "not a word" in this computer that I'm using but I'm pretty sure it is. I always get so panicky when that red line appears causing me to check whether or not it is a word but that would outstrip the point of this blog post...moving on) an entry.

A little bit of a life update!
It appears that I have not been progressing. Stuck in a liability. Stuck on an extensive dragging episode. Frankly, if anything, this already can be identified as a series. This feeling's like no other! It ravels and ravels and ravels. On and on. This is obviously a cause of my frailty and my responsibility for unlocking the door to my heart for it. I am aware and I'm really busting a gut to pull stop and drop this all off. It's deeply tiring to go on like this. It's like I'm carrying a mountain that I'm supposed to climb. Time is passing and my heart just keeps getting heavier and heavier.

Enneagram 101... I don't mind taking personality tests at all. I tend to always somehow learn a bit 'bout me and it also gives me time to assess myself; where I'm at in life. Just keep in mind that it is a construct and all constructs are flawed. I'm a 9. The Nine is the peacemaker. They essentially feel the need for peace and harmony. I like the fact that my strength is also my weakness. I desire to seek union but because of the avoidance of the potential for conflict in life, I also tend to step backward and not be fully involved. Basically, a  withdrawal from life. Although, I do love being of service and valuing my personal relationships. I also love that it talks about levels of development. How am I at my healthiest and my unhealthiest self. I'm not too informed about it so, I might have to read and maybe listen to other people. I know a few do podcasts about enneagram. So, we'll see.

I think (?) I have fi na lly figured out what I want to take in college and what was hindering me from expressing it. I want to study Communications. Concentrate in Media arts/studies and minor in English or Advertising, whoo hoo. I don't want to vocalize something and then not do it or write down my dreams and then not achieve them. I will be heartbroken. But through experience and self-discovery, I live a fuller life when I'm vulnerable. I have to allow myself to risk and dream. I am a subject to change. There are things that have changed. Things are changing still. I haven't been aware of changes for it hasn't been as present in my life lately. I didn't like talking about the future because it is uncertain. That's probably why I wasn't confident of decisions that involve it. That includes the college thing. It just seems so hard to swallow. It gave me so much anxiety. I'll write more about this, ten to one. I'll let you know when I change my mind again!
We have clubs now in the homeschooling world I'm in. I attended an assembly for writing and I'm thinking of joining music as well with Zak. There isn't a definite plan yet. I only know that I have to write a 500 word material this week about anything I choose to write about. So, that's interesting. Maybe I'll write about Penguins or the word five hundred. Or observe a person. Make him my object lesson lol. I don't know.

~~

Open Letter To My Motivation

How's it been?

I have been neglecting you roughly for more than I can imagine and a normal person should have or is it just me who forgets to get a hold of their motivation on a daily basis? Maybe this is also a letter for my brain. I'm sorry. I should tug in with you more. Sometimes, I get so swamped by so much uncertainty and you get defeated. I have been living the life the way I thought it should be. I guess I just ended up putting you aside.

I have been inactive. Without you, life and my passion to make and create have been stagnant. I said I only need a simple breather but it manifested into a lazy state. I spend days delaying. Taking hours or even days to send replies to messages. I feel hazy. As if I've been busy but not really. I promise to help out now and swim through the fog. I realize that the moment I trust myself and my own brute strength then I wouldn't get anywhere. I didn't really close my door for you, I left. I thought that I would still have you behind but that's just me taking you for granted. I promise to listen and get good sleep so that I could hear you better. I will listen from now on and forget thinking too much of myself. You remind me of nature. That no matter where I go you're around me. You remind me the ocean that when I'm swayed by the harsh waves, you take me deeper until I'm drowned in your embrace. On harder days, when I feel dry, you're the splash of cold water that enables me to never quit because I'm just in the middle. I'm sorry for believing that I can do it on my own. That I can live everyday without tuning in to your voice.

I don't really know where you will lead me but I think it's time that I walk and willingly lift my eyes to your presence. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I've been living in this rabbit hole and I'm dying. My flashlight has grown faint and now it's completely gone. The things of this world are temporal and yet I still choose to hang on to them. But my heart will continue learning.

Please take my hand and teach me to dance. Teach me the better ways to look at life. Teach me to number my days and appreciate. I have a lot of dreams, you know it. But I hope that you'd help me to not get there in the wrong way with a wrong heart at the wrong time.
I don't really know how to end this but I'm really thankful for you. You are important.
Thank you for having my back, front, sides, and all angles.

All my love,
Ed

1407

Some forwards may seem like
A forward but it will lead
You backward

Some forwards may seem like
An escape, a safe flight
A great idea but it will
Lead you to a greater cave

Don't be deceived!

It's tiring when people
Come only when they need
Something from you
When it matters

But no man is to be an island
You forget that maybe you
Are their only helping hand

You forget so much!

Maybe it's not about paradise
But progress. You have a battle to
Fight. Don't run from it
Don't try to get out

Put that good thing in
You have a good thing
Keep it going

beautiful does not only mean Beauty

you are a river gushing
stronger and stronger but making as little sounds as possible
like a river running through splinters and stones
carrying failures on your shoulders
the blue
the bruise
the silence

it's all so familiar

I suppose you're a rose
pressing your red hands on the sheer glass turning
it to white and all of the proper colors at the wrong time

comparison killed you like harsh winds unceasing

your feet are at the shadows when you were set apart
reality is wild at the feet of the silhouette
you have kindness and enough sweet jars of tasteless water
will you go?

you've forgotten how it sounds like

what does it mean to sense the winds of change?
what does it feel like to not be limited with
the same ones and zeroes?

remember it's painful because it's worth it, so go for it

Me At 17

I've been seventeen for 2 months&3days. It's quite unreal.

I like seventeen. I really do. Turning into this age kind of set things for me to be more responsible.
The past few months have been... weird. I know it has been. For instance, I didn't exactly celebrate as much as I would've during the new year's. I literally just sparked a sparkler, slept way past 12am (of course), woke up, & walked around my lolo & lola's (grandparents') neighborhood.

I told a friend about the crisis I was sort trying to get out of and it's the kind that isn't really a rare case, but it was just pure bizarre. I kept thinking that I was way older and telling myself that I should've accomplished more. Before last year ended, I also had another crisis which I think, actually, developed and contributed into what this all was. I honestly thought I was out of it and I've already gained enough confidence to build up my classic spurs and tumbles into a proper leap forward. SO I THOUGHT. Turned out that everything wasn't really "good in the hood". So, instinctively, I had to make adjustments and look something to do to ease whatever I was feeling But the feeling actually was blank. I felt blank. Absolutely unmotivated & on the verge of insanity. I mean I was being overly sad about things that were just soOOoo minimal. I shall call it foolery. ABSOLUTE FOOLERY, my friends. It was complex.
Meeting seventeen terrified me more than anything. I figured that I didn't like turning into an age older as opposed to being excited because I'm getting closer to my goals and dreams in life. If anything, it pressured me even more because I knew that I didn't have it all planned out and I AIN'T EVEN THE PLANNING TYPE. Overall it frustrated the heck outta me. I was all in the state of defeat and without question became tired (of doing nothing but taking deep breaths, really).

I spent and wasted so much time on the internet, staring at my screen ruining my eye sight even more. I wasn't looking after myself like I promised I would and indulged in self-destruction. I barely even posted anything online but I still scrolled and scrolled thinking that I still had everything under control. Oh, but I lost my vision. I didn't want to fake and pretend and post that whoo hoo yay I'm actually doing so well in life - never be that person. I became busy over nothing. I had all the things I had to do in my mind and hid it all.

For right now, I can say that I am at a better place. Sure, there are still some areas I need to build upon and the thing is that is okay. I am just continuously reminding myself to begin anywhere I can and work on with what I have. I am also learning to be more vocal about whatever my insides produce. I make sure that I make the harder decision because more often than not, it means that it's the better option. From where I am standing, I can see things in a bigger scale wherein I am willing to humbly put myself last and think about the people surrounding me. Personally, I am taking it one step at a time. In my mind, I know that every storm has an end and I am glad that I am wiggling my way out of this tunnel and embrace whatever may lie ahead, good or bad. In all season, I am to be grateful.

Time capsule. Me At 17.

My hair in mid length and I recently dyed it burgundy. I am in grade 10 and have no clue what to take upon in College which means that I also have no clue about Senior High. My favorite novel is The Catcher in the Rye, the latest book I read it Ready Player One by Ernest Cline, and I am reading It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini. I am in love with Dear Evan Hansen and everyday dream about flying to New York just so I could see it. I have a lot of raw footage on my phone and I don't entirely know why. I still wear glasses, it's coolcoolcool. I have been watching Rocko's Modern Life. My favorite anime is (and always will be, I hope) Clannad. The only movies in my flash drive are Mulan and Hacksaw Ridge. I live in Midtown, Cainta, Rizal. I listen to a lot of folk pop songs. I have two rings. One is my purity ring and the other is a promise ring from my dad. I love eating frozrn yogurt with cheesecake and one of my favorite places to eat at is BonChon (hahahahhahhahaha).
I still don't know how to properly say goodbye and conclude any of my writing.


cya. from ya girl, ed.

For Two

Well

She's removed the painting on the wall
It has been there for four years
Now it's not

He's sat on this couch in his fine
And most not fine moments
They come and go

What now?

One day
Storm is here and then it's not
Where she is it's usually not

He's a breeze
Life is in the air

They go together or they don't
They make choices
They love

Oh, them

I'm sure you know them
By heart, by mind
They let the world pass them by
It has changed

They faced it all hand in hand

He and she
For forever

unrealized collective

do you ever wonder how great flash floods are?
they destroy houses, break windows and hearts. kill people and wound much.
before you judge me, which I presume you'd be, I don't enjoy all these happening
what I do want to focus on is what happens then afterwards
what do I mean? what I am saying?
grieve. grieve after grieve. grieve that stays wherever you go
 however you try to let it go.
it can be mean. it can be deceiving.
do you ever wonder how great flash floods are?
my repeating of the question might spark a fire in your heart to hate me
or curse my name
hold on.
as I've written grieve is not easy.
I may have not experienced it before like you have
how flash floods and calamities took everything and never even bothered
to apologize
went on like a thief. went on and left you behind.
but I have seen. I see. I empathize and it drowns me
I ache for you.
I may have never felt the magnitude of what you've been through but
I am here to tell you it's okay.
do you ever wonder how great flash floods are?
they make people aware of the need to come together as one
help one another and mend hearts.
it strongly swept you away but it wildly strengthened you
I'm sure you know
it left scars but it reminds you of victories and memories of the people you love
never forgotten
I'm sure you know
do you ever wonder how great flash floods are?
the aftermath is people building up each other.
those who encountered the same, feel the same, feel the need to help
the same.
those who encountered less
"the more privileged"
feel the same to help and give and reach out
flash floods
bring us together without us even knowing it.
some times we need that. we need times to render love and generosity.
flash floods are in fact hurtful.
but they are also opportunities.

bad poetry

I wish I could breathe
I wish I could grow and bear much
I wish I could light up the world
one time,
many times
any time
I take it

it's stressful
to think about
me
me
..me
stating the obvious
that's just selfish
and it creates wrinkles on my face
more than I think

I wish to live a life
make it about others

someone told me
one day it'll happen
one day it'll exist
cause I'm going to make it exist

I wish I could breathe
when I read these words
naturally just pouring out
while I sit in a curved form
the orange light behind me
shadows in front me

I wish
to think less
of
me
me

me
...me

and more of
you
you

..you
.....you