I've been seventeen for 2 months&3days. It's quite unreal.
I like seventeen. I really do. Turning into this age kind of set things for me to be more responsible.
The past few months have been... weird. I know it has been. For instance, I didn't exactly celebrate as much as I would've during the new year's. I literally just sparked a sparkler, slept way past 12am (of course), woke up, & walked around my lolo & lola's (grandparents') neighborhood.
I told a friend about the crisis I was sort trying to get out of and it's the kind that isn't really a rare case, but it was just pure bizarre. I kept thinking that I was way older and telling myself that I should've accomplished more. Before last year ended, I also had another crisis which I think, actually, developed and contributed into what this all was. I honestly thought I was out of it and I've already gained enough confidence to build up my classic spurs and tumbles into a proper leap forward. SO I THOUGHT. Turned out that everything wasn't really "good in the hood". So, instinctively, I had to make adjustments and look something to do to ease whatever I was feeling But the feeling actually was blank. I felt blank. Absolutely unmotivated & on the verge of insanity. I mean I was being overly sad about things that were just soOOoo minimal. I shall call it foolery. ABSOLUTE FOOLERY, my friends. It was complex.
Meeting seventeen terrified me more than anything. I figured that I didn't like turning into an age older as opposed to being excited because I'm getting closer to my goals and dreams in life. If anything, it pressured me even more because I knew that I didn't have it all planned out and I AIN'T EVEN THE PLANNING TYPE. Overall it frustrated the heck outta me. I was all in the state of defeat and without question became tired (of doing nothing but taking deep breaths, really).
I spent and wasted so much time on the internet, staring at my screen ruining my eye sight even more. I wasn't looking after myself like I promised I would and indulged in self-destruction. I barely even posted anything online but I still scrolled and scrolled thinking that I still had everything under control. Oh, but I lost my vision. I didn't want to fake and pretend and post that whoo hoo yay I'm actually doing so well in life - never be that person. I became busy over nothing. I had all the things I had to do in my mind and hid it all.
For right now, I can say that I am at a better place. Sure, there are still some areas I need to build upon and the thing is that is okay. I am just continuously reminding myself to begin anywhere I can and work on with what I have. I am also learning to be more vocal about whatever my insides produce. I make sure that I make the harder decision because more often than not, it means that it's the better option. From where I am standing, I can see things in a bigger scale wherein I am willing to humbly put myself last and think about the people surrounding me. Personally, I am taking it one step at a time. In my mind, I know that every storm has an end and I am glad that I am wiggling my way out of this tunnel and embrace whatever may lie ahead, good or bad. In all season, I am to be grateful.
Time capsule. Me At 17.
My hair in mid length and I recently dyed it burgundy. I am in grade 10 and have no clue what to take upon in College which means that I also have no clue about Senior High. My favorite novel is The Catcher in the Rye, the latest book I read it Ready Player One by Ernest Cline, and I am reading It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini. I am in love with Dear Evan Hansen and everyday dream about flying to New York just so I could see it. I have a lot of raw footage on my phone and I don't entirely know why. I still wear glasses, it's coolcoolcool. I have been watching Rocko's Modern Life. My favorite anime is (and always will be, I hope) Clannad. The only movies in my flash drive are Mulan and Hacksaw Ridge. I live in Midtown, Cainta, Rizal. I listen to a lot of folk pop songs. I have two rings. One is my purity ring and the other is a promise ring from my dad. I love eating frozrn yogurt with cheesecake and one of my favorite places to eat at is BonChon (hahahahhahhahaha).
I still don't know how to properly say goodbye and conclude any of my writing.
cya. from ya girl, ed.
*
