mountains (2)

I think of mountains as free spaces that I can glean on vicariously. Away from all the heaviness I might be hiding in me or from my negative thoughts piled up like swept leaves from the park that I brush off my shoulders quite likely every time.

Mountains, like any other thing, have a bad side and can be defined in many ways. They can be a spot to relax but also really complex. I'm facing a giant mountain at the moment. And I want to express myself so terribly but I seem to be used to keeping my frustrations under a rug and pushing them to the furthest place I can imagine. But this feeling comes back over and over again. And it's seems to be really inconvenient. When I feel like "yes finally I have reached the summit", what comes next is yet another mountain that I would have to climb once again.

Life is full of disappointments and a variety of unexplained realities that sometimes are unimaginable. . But my way to get by is to vividly remember how it's like to get to the peak- the gladness of overcoming something beyond me. These mountains are not much of trials as they are processes that many of us think wrongly of. Without them we would stagnate; We won't improve our well being.

Neither of us know what is up there unless we make a move on and convince ourselves to push when it's the hardest to do so.

//

Keanna, my marvelous friend, and myself are starting a publication called The Unknown Mountain Journey. I've always wanted a partner when it comes with trying to comprehend world issues and the complexity of human beings. The reason why we think it's such an amazing idea is because we just love exchanging opinions and questions. It would be like a place of fortitude for those who are looking for it.

More update on this soon!

//

CURRENTLY

-doing a lot of studying
-must say that my mind is clearer than a month ago
-trying to get out of my comfort zone
-listening to hold on by wilson phillips
-really loving mornings!
-practicing ukulele
-borrowing clothes from my brothers

7 hours in my room, comprising all things I've learned This school year in a bulging notebook,

The time is coming (dun dun duuunnnn), I have got to compile all my "learnings" and prepare a portfolio to present. My main theme, Shifting Paradigms and Individuality.  Please wish me luck. I am doing this alone. Like a responsible adult doing groceries or like a fisher because marine life is very abundant and relatively unlikely to eat him.

Okay making no sense,

My emotional capacity is exploding, at the moment. Presenting a portfolio isn't supposed to be nerve wracking right? Besides, the portfolio is MINE; Julia the PSYCHOPATH,

I remember this girl from school, she boldly presented a very strong portfolio. She said that you know you're doing it wrong when you're not completely happy about your work. Huge impact right there.


xx

Energy boost, please come along,

this feeling is like a long car ride

you don't know whether to put the windows

up or down

turn the radio volume up or down

waiting for a go signal when traffic jam has made
its decision to belong

the stretch you satisfyingly adore when the car stops
for gas and there's a convenient store making a thought cross your
mind to buy at least a bar of chocolate or two

the rain starts to pour and  your face becomes a part
of the gloomy weather,

you ask yourself
"why did i choose to take this path?"

but you still went on,
never stopped for you know that maybe something
out there is for you to reach

something out there can be yours as well

this life is one heck of a ride,
 sometimes we do not understand where it
takes us; most of the time, somewhere dark and
terrifying

there's a saying that goes "there is always a light at the
end of the tunnel"

truly there is.

"but where"

that's yours to deal. find it.
getting lost is alright. it prolongs the ride but it makes
your life the way it is right now, marvelously messy.

GO SEARCH FOR THE LIGHT, 

(rough)

"a mountain is what you see and feel it to be" (1)

two days ago:

I have never been on any mountain before. But I have heard and seen so many marvelous things about them. The way they were created and placed where they are evokes me for adventure. I am slightly in love with how they feel and keep still. Truly fascinating. This interest of mine started after reading countless articles and following variety of instagrams centering about art and their love for the mountains.

I forgot where I read this, probably Visual Strands, but it says that there is an enchanting and old world quality in mountains  that is easy to love but  hard to quantify and explain. I wrote this down on my handy notebook because I felt a lot of truth there. Coming from someone who hasn't experienced a bit of mountains, it's safe to say that there is absolutely something beneath the quiet of the mountains that catches ones soul.

Mountains cover 25% of this world. To some people they are home. Every now and then, I imagine myself up on a high mountain. The wind swooping all over the place and overseeing the city. Chirping birds and large trees everywhere. For me that's a nice calm practice when I'm a bit all over the place. I think mountains give out an indistinguishable premise. It's like the mountains serve as your security blanket. Truthfully, I wished there were more mountains around. Less cities and buildings. Our economy would be ten times better. I guess that's why a lot of people go hiking or rock climbing. Everyone, somehow, pursues escapism. And while, you're up there it feels as if recalling how surrounded you are with the entire spectrum of human emotions and for once, not care about it.

Today
(configuring and trying to refine thoughts to project the
supposed conclusion of this writing)


In this moment, I am feeling a bit of a total stuck up. When I woke up, I did my ordinary doings- toothbrushing, daily talk with God and breakfast eating. Seemed very ordinary. So no point really of appreciating it. But when I read the upper bit of this post, true enough, I again pictured myself up on a mountain. And I realised that everyone of us is experiencing a sequence of events that may never occur in that specific way ever again. It amazed me how that thought crossed my mind. Nowadays, we don't put in mind that we aren't placed here for an unknown reason. We have a purpose. Regardless of what others say because, honestly, we are all the same, subjectively. The way you respond to the circumstances you encounter today changes your tomorrows.

I know that, I was all talking about mountains. lol, I've casually shifted

In connection, the mountains don't think about what we can do for them. It is more of us thinking about what it can do for us. Similar to what we are almost always willing to do everyday. I'd like to think of mountains as friendly help. That when you don't have a clear mission, take time to think. Find your purpose. Be captivated. Don't lose passion. Just keep on doing what you love. You never truly know how much of a difference you've made in the world.

Good day xx

Look! An update!

Lately, I've been thinking about college

Gee

College is a very nice way to prepare us for the real deal...adulthood. In just a few years... you will officially be stepping into another adventure. The reason why I have this in mind is because I still have no clue what I want to take up,

I've always wanted to do something creative in life. Something that would make me want to go to work and not look forward to going home. There's also a part of me who wants to try something compelling- medicine, sociology, psychology

Ugh. I can't help but curl up with frustration. 

There are hundreds of majors I can choose from which, doesn't help; it makes it much harder that it already is. Let's be real.

I have a couple of concerns about my decision making. There are times when I'm so content and up in my happy place but there are also times when I make a wrong move. I don't want to screw up college by choosing the wrong course.

Pressure-cooker episodes. 

It's like seeing thousands of beautiful places but none of which evoking me to go there. Or like opening a collection of things wrapped in paper but not feeling anything. I want to be able to have my heart feel something on whatever I experience because without the emotions it's no use. I think that's why it's a tough job to pick from all the options in college. Or maybe I just don't know myself to the point where I don't know any real information about what I truly want to be?

masjdghasgf;

I'm almost out of the house so, I don't think I can continue on writing. I'll be back really soon.

read to when life sux

Greetings. I can't really speak for myself but I do know that sometimes, or maybe, a crack tons of times, life feels sucky. Sucky enough to casually say, it sux.

While I was scrolling through my twitter, which is an ordinary thing I do, I felt dull and bored. So I decided to change my background and do a little customization to somehow light up my soul.  As per usual, I find photos in my documents saved in this laptop. Continuing the story, I opened the documents and my folder got reformatted. During this particular time, I felt teary for I saved a lot of my own edited pics and what not in the folder. I didn't have backup or anything whatsoever. This happened to me before but this time it's much worse than it already is. It was very important to me. And it was hard to take in that I have, indeed, lost all of my files including a lot of notes for bloody chemistry and writing that meant a lot to me - writing during tough times and thoughts that I want to go back to, whenever. ALL GONE. Sigh.

I bought ice cream and walked and walked. It felt good. Outside is good. Nature is good. Fresh air is just what I needed.

I want to say that sometimes, I don't appreciate everything that is brought up to me, in my life. Having ever harbored that not each thing is supposed to be celebrated. Celebrate meaning noticed or gazed or consider. From now on, I would love to celebrate. Celebrate the feeling of  what I am having as a phase or circumstance. I am very enthralled with optimism. I like how it differs. I like what it promises. I like the feeling of it. I like how just the way it is defined.

Happiness manifests in a lot of things. Sometimes, life could be really dreadful but at the End of the day, it's still Good. It's still something that we all need to discover more. . I guess the key is, never trying to figure out everything.

Stay charming !!! Have a good day :)

THIS IS A LIST OF WHAT MY LIFE IS RIGHT NOW
(inspired by ari mendoza)

-creating a new schedule that hopefully I would follow
-writing in my journal (about anything)
-drinking ginger juice which tastes horrible (daily: mornings)
-fixing my body clock. (bedtime: loosely 10PM-7AM)
-made a skype account for social purposes. (it's quite nice)
-trying to find a way to post as often
-editing random pics i find on tumblr.
-washing my hair every other day
-been talking a lot to myself lately
-reading aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe
-made a friend named Pog. -..- (this is he) (an imaginary pig friend)
-following a lot of instagrams that has a lot of kid photos
-i like the song turbulence by at the skylines
-also trouble by never shout never
-also cinderblock garden by all time low
-im feeling really good.
-studying still hurts and i have to finish everything this month

4. always at the edge of something greater

& I hope that you are as well as I am. Indeed, it has been a wonderful month. I came upon a lot of realisations and incredible mental breathers that strongly helped me contrive my way out of unlikely emotions and sad energies. I ain't complaining about them [sad emotions], in fact, I am grateful for them because they make me appreciate little happy things- it's correlative. When you tell yourself that today will be a good day, all your energy seem to cooperate. One positive energy will connect to another one until the pile gets bigger and you got yourself a mountain of smiles!!!

Recently, I started getting back on track with my studies and quite silly, I am still having a hard time with it. I feel a bit paranoid about deadlines & I actually have none of those. I feel like none of us ever have. Deadlines are just there to help us push through. And of course we have to take them seriously + cheerfully. Deadlines is just an idea. It's not something we should be scared about. Often times, I take them as funny little, sometimes, annoying reminders that tell me to understand that I have to finis a certain task. Not all tasks are easy. Some of them even out of our comfort zones but then tell yourselves that the sky is the limit for you. You can, you can, you can. So do it. And in a few while, out of genuine hard work, you'd get it done in no time!

As a kid, I always wanted to work creatively. I want to feel like I'm in my own quirky happy world. And I guess that will never change. I would always want to see between horizons and somehow find something good and authentic. The big question is when? Why wait til I grow up, right? I may not have the resources to take steps of what I vision but I can always start slow. Start with what I have. And collectively, enjoy what create.

If you really love what you do, I'm sure you won't mind the bumps and lumps. They might discourage you but no matter, yous should never stop at a certain point. Look forward and own it : )

3. take a vision and make it real

Today is a great day in so many different levels 

I was able to get my energy back to my studies. I'm currently studying Chemistry and... oh my goodness ! It's not overly boring or difficult but ahhh !!#@#$^%$& !!!! It's mind bending, both in the positive and negative way. But- 

I'm happy that I am not procrastinating (1/2 jk). But still, it took a lot of pushing to get myself to catch up. So that makes me happy : ) ) 

About 30 minutes ago, I was followed by this incredible girl on twitter, Rosie, who is raising up money to set up a Children's Home through challenges. One of my aims this month is to, as much as possible ,try, to take my hat down and salute movements, campaigns, charities etc. 

this is a snap of my conversation with Rosie ! you can follow her through her journey,
@fullreach on twitter : ) and if you can please help her out by
sponsoring ♥

I am easily inspired by people like her. They devote so much towards what they love doing. That makes me realise how I should live my life. This day will be remembered a lot because this impacted me in a lot of angles. 

It's time to live with bravery 

It's time to throw off hesitations

I love doing a lot of things but sometimes I experience much lines that I do not dare to cross because of fear. I have very low confidence on myself. I get discouraged when I receive criticisms and words that are against what I feel; what I do. But that's part of life. Most of time others won't understand what we're doing or why we're doing what we're doing. Life is what it is. It just depends on how you live it. 

Criticisms are actually helpful. It opens up space for you to improve on. It lights up spots that you should work on. Learn to accept them positively because they mean well. That's easier said than done because I know myself that I build immediate voids when I get criticisms. But that's something I'm utilizing in me. I hope you do as well : ) Practise to look them in a good way !!!!

When you're given a chance to speak; give criticisms or something, make sure you do it sincerely and do it because you want to help the individual and not to put them down. We're here to help build up each other. It is more effective when you positively commend them then state what they still have to work on then commend them again.

E.g. "You're doing such a great job ! I like your ideas so much though, I hope that you get to work on your productivity. You can use some of the time your devoting to making ideas to actualizing your goals for one idea. You're incredible, keep it up,"

That's something I learned because it's nice to somehow, sandwich the criticism with your positive statements so that he won't feel bad.

I have a lot of dreams in my life. 

In general, I just love looking forward. I like the feeling of being able to move forward- close to my dreams. Close to where I see my soul will be lifted. It's a nice feeling. 

But then, I'm not there yet. 

My prospect in life is to create a world of my own wherein I will be able to fizzle about my little thoughts and make something out of it. 

How do I get there? How do I reach that level of imagination? 

Set goals. Set goals. Set goals. It's always never too late. Paint down what you see. Look the seaside, remember what you see. 

Light the spark. Make it last.