Today is one of those trying-to-get-back-on-track days. I’m very grateful for this. I’m doing a lot of reorganizing at the moment both in the physical world and my overly forgotten writing documents which remained blank and out of date for obvious reasons. Here I am trying to fill them up. So, how am i doing? Am I great? Of course, I am. There isn’t a moment I’m not. There are just some days that I feel less great. I’m on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend. Kidding, I’m no Augustus Waters maybe a Miles Halter looking for his great perhaps. I’ve been pondering deeply on my life choices especially the menial ones. Those you’d think I should be good at but it’s there that I fail at terribly. It’s getting harder to believe that I’m progressing. Maybe I’m not? So, where does this lead me? Where do I begin? How do I begin? I find that I have to blabber on and on so that I’ll visualize how lazy I’ve become. I’m such a slacker. Get me Marty and George Mcfly, we’ll start a club. Bunch of Slackers….help please my plant is dying. But instead of plant it’s my future. And it’s not dying it’s already dead and I’m doing nothing to revive it. Sigh. Sick of it.
But I’m coming along little by little. It’ll probably take long but I’m writing about it which is my numero uno way of understanding. I’m starting to understand and that’s progress. A bit of a timeline: I was down in the rabbit hole hibernating for about 5 months. I didn’t do completely nothing but definitely didn’t achieve anything out of the things I’ve done which was mainly giving myself pep talks and patting my own back and then it all evolved into me just napping and completely avoiding creating a schedule. I basically have been walking directionless like a hiker who doesn’t glance at his compass, goes on to a great destination but ends up miles off. And I blamed January even more for making me aware of that fact in my life. I figure, I’d tell you about January because the year started off weirdly for me. I didn’t know how to process everything that went on and was continuously going. I’d usually celebrate! I made it to 2018 but so much of me was left in 2017 and I didn’t have a clear plan on how I’d untangle myself with baggages that I was meant to let go. I was unconsciously holding onto I-don’t-even-know-what even though I was already physically in another part of my life because most of me were still pretending to be progressing in another one. I have no idea if that made any sense but I hope I hit a point somehow. It’s pure crisis. So, we’re 7 weeks in and I’ve just begun my year somehow properly. It’s s’ marvelous.
This year, I wanted to write more about things that interest me such as disfigurements and how it’s represented in media. I started dwelling on this because I follow this author, Jen Campbell, on youtube and she personally made a couple of videos on it and that sparked my appeal to it. I watched The Greatest Showman recently and I have some thoughts on it. I apologize because quite like the film’s narrative, this would probably be all over the place. I knew P.T Barnum because he was one of my object lessons in school and I was fascinated by freakshows and odd exhibits. It’s safe to say, that he started all of that. The film has its redeeming points. It has a great soundtrack (I especially loved Never Enough) and cinematography that were rather warming. But let’s not alter history. Here is a fact: P.T Barnum exploited all those who were under his “care”. All for profit. He was a natural salesman, in fact, a master of it. In 1935, he paid $1,000 for an elderly African-American slave, Joice Heth, whom he claimed to be 161 years old and George Washington’s erstwhile nurse. All which, of course, was a lie. He advertised Heth as “The Greatest Natural And National Curiosity In The World” being one of the last few living links to George Washington. People would listen to her recount her experience being a nursemaid and she’d sing hymns and all. Barnum fabricated stories depending on what would sell more tickets. She was frail and feeble and died in 1936 just months after joining Barnum’s show. He even sold tickets during her autopsy wherein the surgeon disclosed that she couldn’t have been more than 80!
His dubious collection eventually expanded to an exceptional amount of exhibits. Charles Sherwood Stratton, was 22 years old in the movie. Barnum met him when he was only 4 in real life. He proved to be his most profitable exhibit. There was also the famous, infamous really, Feejee Mermaid which was supposedly a mythical creature captured in the Pacific Ocean that was actually the head and torso of a young monkey stitched to a fishtail. Oh and the poor, poor Jumbo the Elephant! All these people (and animals!) that he took under his care lived lives that were far from wonderful. Barnum and his friends memorialized ethnic stereotypes and enclosed a part of humanity as “different”.
We all have to accept that showbiz does airbrush and conceal truths. For a film like this, the question remains… is it worth considering that for a moment, just for a moment, we forget about the astounding abuse & cruelty and the dark side of P.T Barnum that were conveniently ignored? I really really really would like to stop ranting about this but there won’t be a time that I wouldn’t. I know this for sure. I just wish that they didn’t create a film on Barnum like he was so inspirational, legendary and a man to be looked upon. It would’ve been so much better if they just l made it about human marvels and oddities. Or perhaps, if they didn’t sugar coat his life. It was a great movie after all! If only P.T Barnum cared about his human and animal stars and empowered them the way they portrayed him. Please don’t hate the film though it’s historically inaccurate. I entered the cinema with an open mind and I was able to embrace it. And we all love Hugh Jackman. End of rant.
To close, what am I doing? I’m currently reading screenplays because this year’s writing club, in collaboration with the documentation club, project is to make short films! So, I’m familiarizing myself with the terms and maybe I’ll write my own in the future. We only have concepts at the moment. Not really solid still need substance, but they’re pretty interesting ideas. Our next meetup we’ll be making moodboards and discuss each one’s roles. I’m excited to start writing and share some thoughts and see how it will all go! I’ll update you all on that.
Couple of other ’ Currently ‘
Reading The Storied Life Of A.J Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin
Studying Physics (da death of me please po h...elp)
On the last season of Gilmore Girls
Planning for my eighteenth birthday (also da death of me)
Sleeping 10 hours a day but still waking up tired and I know why
Understanding what it means to be joyful in every situation
Realizing how much catching I need to get done
And future planning, panahon na
Encouraging myself to engage in godly conversations
Bible studying Romans with Janine
Missing my friends because they’re at Sportsfest and I’m not
About to get water ‘cause I’m parched
Bye now! Stay rad.