I guess it's just so good at ignoring me?
Well, perhaps, I hope it changes its mind soon.
I recently found my missing notebook & I wished to write on it. I had it on the table & my right hand was holding up my favorite ball point pen but it just won't touch the paper! And so my misery began. My brain is active 24/7 nowadays. Even when I'm asleep, I get dreams about cats, record stores, and back to the future. I ain't complaining but I really want to put them all down so my mind can breathe a little. I want to write about more creative stories but nothing is coming out of me. I guess the world's not ready for whatever my brain has to offer lmao.
This upcoming days & week, I am committing myself to my studies. Hey, being homeschooled is not a joke. There are hard difficult areas to balance out the happy aka physics & the like. All the hopes my brain lobes won't set themselves on fire.
To freshen me up, I constantly wash my face with facial cleanser & if my mood is feeling it, I exfoliate. It's procrastination, if I do say so myself!
During my breaks, I try to stay away from social media. I've had enough of those. So I'm laying low- literally. I take naps. Or quite usually, I read.
Let's get into my brain more.
AT THE VERY BACK OF MY MIND,
I'm really thinking about college courses. They fascinate in a high level & also, I still have no clue what to take, the truth is spilled!
Is it normal? Because whenever a child is asked about what he wants to be when he grows up, he'll answer right away. I've been there!
I always tell myself that a 5 year old me can help so, let's call it out.
Before, I really wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. Besides, their excellent choice of fashion, I've always thought of them as collectively understanding set of people who has lots of patience. What a dream. Plus, they get so many fan mails from their students. A normal person's longings fulfilled am I right?!
I wanted to be a business person too. It was fun to think about while it lasted. Having meeting about sales in conference room 457 was cool back then and all that. I praised my assistant quite often too which, made her like me so much as a boss.
For a few months, I also wanted to be a designer. Sketching away my ideas for a perfect wedding dress. But then, I found out that my cooperation with style is more of just like taking a shower and trying to pair items like black skinny jeans, patterned shirt, a hoodie, and a pair of flats. Not entirely saying I don't have style. Just that I don't think I'd do well in that kind of job where it really requires you to be stylish.
Let's examine my freshly updated mind to what my child self just wrote down
NOT AT ALL BAD OPTIONS,
though I'm still am undecided. It can't be that bad, I hope as I convince my whole entire self.
What I really know for sure is that I just want a simple life and not an emergency based one. I don't want to be working machine, high stress team heavy person. I have no interest in that, no sir!
My perception in college course hunting has changed a lot, I suppose. Though, those aren't bad career paths, I just don't see myself in that position. Maybe a kindergarten teacher but not quite completely.
I want to take up something that I know I'm really going to be passionate about and one day be someone I know I really wanted to be.
I have to ponder about that more. Please do pray that my brain'll stop 180ing and changing directions and produce something that will constantly be my motivation in life.
I hope you have the most beautiful day of your life <3