Hello Friends.
Right now, I want to release some
thoughts about beauty. After a flourishing epiphany about myself, I hope you
enjoy my musings.
Beauty is everywhere. Although, growing
up I didn’t really put emphasis on “girlying” myself. I was surrounded by guys
in my family & my personality is nearly the same as theirs. I only really
cared about how I look in like 7th grade to be completely honest. My
mom was always the one who fix my clothes for me when I was a young girl. But the
thing is that I didn’t base my worth on how I look but I hung out with people
who did and these certain people led my insecurities to grow. I held my value
over being insightful rather than setting my standards on being a popular act
in school because that’s just how I rolled and how I was taught. In terms of my
insecurities it smashed my principles to dust & I forgot what beauty really
was. I wasn’t really bullied but I was emotionally dry in a sense that I
actually thought about prioritizing being beautiful over things that make one “beautiful”.
So in a nutshell, I was squished in between two views. I always just kind of
felt like I was an ugly person and I just had troubles with my appearance
constantly. Overall, I didn’t know what or where or how I’m supposed to act
because my mind was just utterly disheveled. I brooded over my girlfriends which
also kind of had the same situation that I was stuck in. But nevertheless I
still hung out with them even if I didn’t always feel “at home”. On that note,
my self-doubt grew. I would lie if I say I didn’t want to be admired or
prominent. I mean that’s a good goal but I wanted to be looked at because of
how I looked not because of my noteworthy behavior that I can possibly exhibit.
It was a dense mindset that instigated lots of objections but I took it anyways.
I was generally very unhappy in that
state.
I
began to read articles about life and particular people who venture paths that
they genuinely enjoy. My faculties were delighted to a level that it made me
think about what I would want to accomplish in life. Likewise, I took leaps
from taking out handful of negative thoughts that I used to indulge in
distinctively those that trigger my insecurities a whole lot. And that moment,
I just instantly felt more of myself because I didn’t have to wrestle with all
of these layers that hid my true self in a place so far off and deep. It was
strange but it was like the first I felt beauty in a raw and crude way. And it
was a very good feeling.
My insecurities still come crashing down
on me but I know how to handle it properly now. Before I used to feel terrible
and cover it up with random makeshift thoughts but only for the time being so
it always ends up really badly & I just try to shove it out. But now, I
learn to embrace it. One of my goals is to get in touch with my insecurities
which may sound odd but the thing is that I must understand it in order for me
to respond in the right way so when it comes I wouldn’t feel as scared.
I’m not a rare case. I now a lot of
people who went or are going through the same thing as I did. And if there is
something I could impart is that never let anything hinder you from believing
that you are beautiful.
Appearance is the least of beauty. Pursue
other things. Things that’ll encourage you to become a strong individual. Do
not base yourself on girls in magazines or on what people think is beautiful.
Beauty is to be discovered. Go find it.