Thought Life

I sit and I stare

my ears open only for the distant sounds of 

strings that move within the confines of 

a jar 

a jar that we adore

with all its stories, songs, and art 

that unknowingly cleansed every affected bone that hid 

deep into flashes of comparison

to some, it seemed dull, unconventional

no matter, it was sure and rooted on the Source

of all beauty and goodness - the wonder that lands on the eyes; 

the reward for the heart that stood its ground 

not many understand it 

the apparent decision of most people 

may deny you the opportunity to stay still;

to fill up on what is true and noble and pure 

but I beg of you

stay 

remain

abide 

fear has taught many lessons 

but courage could teach more 

even when it meant going against the grain 

sailing a river never crossed 

on a warm Tuesday when I went to quench my longing

for a bit of reflection, there you were 

the hand that held my arm 

a bright memory

a familiar memory 

I shake my head and I walk away 

I don't dare to listen to the voice that led me astray 

you left such a taste that gives me chills 

twenty-six blinks it took me

to refocus and recall that 

I must begin again at nineteen 

At Midnight, After Midnight

“Do I have anything good to contribute to where I  am planted?” I asked myself. 

In my most formative years, there has always been a desire within me that gallantly
attempts to reach some parts of the world. I wanted to  make a difference. Maybe not as big
of an impact that will spark a revolution, but an impact it will be. I wanted a change in many
different aspects of society, my home life, my inner self. Many people do not like change. It
seems stifling; too uncomfortable. They’d rather live in the confines of what they are used to
rather than testing the bounds of what’s possible and going beyond them. I was a shy kid. I
was always too afraid. I was trapped in my box of anxiety, fear, pride. My midnights were
filled with discouragement, with hopelessness, with longings.

Again, I ask, “Do I have anything, any good, that I could possibly contribute to
where I am planted?” We are all the same under the surface; searching for purpose and yet
so petrified of failure. In my nineteen years of life, I’ve learned that failure doesn’t have to
have the last word. It is what builds you up. The problem with failure is perspective. The
tragedy is not being able to envisage a new path. But can’t you see it? Failures powerfully
declare that you can start again. This time to actually do something that mattered. A new
path. A new path that you must see; where you should be. 
I’ve had my bouts of anxieties and insecurities. When I lose sight, I am then choked
by the world and it is learning to break away from words that used to torment me that allows
me to breathe again. Choosing change, walking away when you know it isn’t right,
counterfeiting the patterns of this sick world is no foolery. It is wise. Yes, unconventional,
at times, but the things that you get out of it are what get you through the tough times, and
the other times. You grow. And that’s what makes it worth it. Nothing we do where the only
reason we do it is for temporal happiness is ever worth it. You learn not to be guided by
circumstances or what the majority of people choose to do but by what purpose compelled.
Even when you’re the only one there. You arrive at a place where you lose judgment, begin
to discern and stand in truth. 
I am not here to perform a routine function. I am here to live out an extraordinary
one that only I can, the way that I am able to. Not by my own strength and not for my glory.
It’s just so much easier when we realize that life is not about us. You stop to care about what
other people think of you. It is no longer about you and me. We get to be part of something
great. You and I aren’t just called, we become chosen. Goodness unites those who heed its
call. Maybe one day I’d see you running the same race. I’d watch you and cheer you on for
your desires are earnest and love is real. 
Here’s a word of hope: though you may be in your darkest moments, the most
difficult circumstance that you don’t even know where to go anymore, something’s certain
after midnight. The dawn appears and a new day begins. So, don’t be afraid to press on.
Make a difference with the little that you have. That’s much harder than it sounds, and
sometimes in the end, so much easier than what you imagine.

Fly high.