you are a river gushing
stronger and stronger but making as little sounds as possible
like a river running through splinters and stones
carrying failures on your shoulders
the blue
the bruise
the silence
it's all so familiar
I suppose you're a rose
pressing your red hands on the sheer glass turning
it to white and all of the proper colors at the wrong time
comparison killed you like harsh winds unceasing
your feet are at the shadows when you were set apart
reality is wild at the feet of the silhouette
you have kindness and enough sweet jars of tasteless water
will you go?
you've forgotten how it sounds like
what does it mean to sense the winds of change?
what does it feel like to not be limited with
the same ones and zeroes?
remember it's painful because it's worth it, so go for it
Wednesday, June 21
Thursday, June 15
Me At 17
I've been seventeen for 2 months&3days. It's quite unreal.
I like seventeen. I really do. Turning into this age kind of set things for me to be more responsible.
The past few months have been... weird. I know it has been. For instance, I didn't exactly celebrate as much as I would've during the new year's. I literally just sparked a sparkler, slept way past 12am (of course), woke up, & walked around my lolo & lola's (grandparents') neighborhood.
I told a friend about the crisis I was sort trying to get out of and it's the kind that isn't really a rare case, but it was just pure bizarre. I kept thinking that I was way older and telling myself that I should've accomplished more. Before last year ended, I also had another crisis which I think, actually, developed and contributed into what this all was. I honestly thought I was out of it and I've already gained enough confidence to build up my classic spurs and tumbles into a proper leap forward. SO I THOUGHT. Turned out that everything wasn't really "good in the hood". So, instinctively, I had to make adjustments and look something to do to ease whatever I was feeling But the feeling actually was blank. I felt blank. Absolutely unmotivated & on the verge of insanity. I mean I was being overly sad about things that were just soOOoo minimal. I shall call it foolery. ABSOLUTE FOOLERY, my friends. It was complex.
Meeting seventeen terrified me more than anything. I figured that I didn't like turning into an age older as opposed to being excited because I'm getting closer to my goals and dreams in life. If anything, it pressured me even more because I knew that I didn't have it all planned out and I AIN'T EVEN THE PLANNING TYPE. Overall it frustrated the heck outta me. I was all in the state of defeat and without question became tired (of doing nothing but taking deep breaths, really).
I spent and wasted so much time on the internet, staring at my screen ruining my eye sight even more. I wasn't looking after myself like I promised I would and indulged in self-destruction. I barely even posted anything online but I still scrolled and scrolled thinking that I still had everything under control. Oh, but I lost my vision. I didn't want to fake and pretend and post that whoo hoo yay I'm actually doing so well in life - never be that person. I became busy over nothing. I had all the things I had to do in my mind and hid it all.
For right now, I can say that I am at a better place. Sure, there are still some areas I need to build upon and the thing is that is okay. I am just continuously reminding myself to begin anywhere I can and work on with what I have. I am also learning to be more vocal about whatever my insides produce. I make sure that I make the harder decision because more often than not, it means that it's the better option. From where I am standing, I can see things in a bigger scale wherein I am willing to humbly put myself last and think about the people surrounding me. Personally, I am taking it one step at a time. In my mind, I know that every storm has an end and I am glad that I am wiggling my way out of this tunnel and embrace whatever may lie ahead, good or bad. In all season, I am to be grateful.
Time capsule. Me At 17.
My hair in mid length and I recently dyed it burgundy. I am in grade 10 and have no clue what to take upon in College which means that I also have no clue about Senior High. My favorite novel is The Catcher in the Rye, the latest book I read it Ready Player One by Ernest Cline, and I am reading It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini. I am in love with Dear Evan Hansen and everyday dream about flying to New York just so I could see it. I have a lot of raw footage on my phone and I don't entirely know why. I still wear glasses, it's coolcoolcool. I have been watching Rocko's Modern Life. My favorite anime is (and always will be, I hope) Clannad. The only movies in my flash drive are Mulan and Hacksaw Ridge. I live in Midtown, Cainta, Rizal. I listen to a lot of folk pop songs. I have two rings. One is my purity ring and the other is a promise ring from my dad. I love eating frozrn yogurt with cheesecake and one of my favorite places to eat at is BonChon (hahahahhahhahaha).
I still don't know how to properly say goodbye and conclude any of my writing.
cya. from ya girl, ed.
I like seventeen. I really do. Turning into this age kind of set things for me to be more responsible.
The past few months have been... weird. I know it has been. For instance, I didn't exactly celebrate as much as I would've during the new year's. I literally just sparked a sparkler, slept way past 12am (of course), woke up, & walked around my lolo & lola's (grandparents') neighborhood.
I told a friend about the crisis I was sort trying to get out of and it's the kind that isn't really a rare case, but it was just pure bizarre. I kept thinking that I was way older and telling myself that I should've accomplished more. Before last year ended, I also had another crisis which I think, actually, developed and contributed into what this all was. I honestly thought I was out of it and I've already gained enough confidence to build up my classic spurs and tumbles into a proper leap forward. SO I THOUGHT. Turned out that everything wasn't really "good in the hood". So, instinctively, I had to make adjustments and look something to do to ease whatever I was feeling But the feeling actually was blank. I felt blank. Absolutely unmotivated & on the verge of insanity. I mean I was being overly sad about things that were just soOOoo minimal. I shall call it foolery. ABSOLUTE FOOLERY, my friends. It was complex.
Meeting seventeen terrified me more than anything. I figured that I didn't like turning into an age older as opposed to being excited because I'm getting closer to my goals and dreams in life. If anything, it pressured me even more because I knew that I didn't have it all planned out and I AIN'T EVEN THE PLANNING TYPE. Overall it frustrated the heck outta me. I was all in the state of defeat and without question became tired (of doing nothing but taking deep breaths, really).
I spent and wasted so much time on the internet, staring at my screen ruining my eye sight even more. I wasn't looking after myself like I promised I would and indulged in self-destruction. I barely even posted anything online but I still scrolled and scrolled thinking that I still had everything under control. Oh, but I lost my vision. I didn't want to fake and pretend and post that whoo hoo yay I'm actually doing so well in life - never be that person. I became busy over nothing. I had all the things I had to do in my mind and hid it all.
For right now, I can say that I am at a better place. Sure, there are still some areas I need to build upon and the thing is that is okay. I am just continuously reminding myself to begin anywhere I can and work on with what I have. I am also learning to be more vocal about whatever my insides produce. I make sure that I make the harder decision because more often than not, it means that it's the better option. From where I am standing, I can see things in a bigger scale wherein I am willing to humbly put myself last and think about the people surrounding me. Personally, I am taking it one step at a time. In my mind, I know that every storm has an end and I am glad that I am wiggling my way out of this tunnel and embrace whatever may lie ahead, good or bad. In all season, I am to be grateful.
Time capsule. Me At 17.
My hair in mid length and I recently dyed it burgundy. I am in grade 10 and have no clue what to take upon in College which means that I also have no clue about Senior High. My favorite novel is The Catcher in the Rye, the latest book I read it Ready Player One by Ernest Cline, and I am reading It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini. I am in love with Dear Evan Hansen and everyday dream about flying to New York just so I could see it. I have a lot of raw footage on my phone and I don't entirely know why. I still wear glasses, it's coolcoolcool. I have been watching Rocko's Modern Life. My favorite anime is (and always will be, I hope) Clannad. The only movies in my flash drive are Mulan and Hacksaw Ridge. I live in Midtown, Cainta, Rizal. I listen to a lot of folk pop songs. I have two rings. One is my purity ring and the other is a promise ring from my dad. I love eating frozrn yogurt with cheesecake and one of my favorite places to eat at is BonChon (hahahahhahhahaha).
I still don't know how to properly say goodbye and conclude any of my writing.
cya. from ya girl, ed.