7 hours in my room, comprising all things I've learned This school year in a bulging notebook,

The time is coming (dun dun duuunnnn), I have got to compile all my "learnings" and prepare a portfolio to present. My main theme, Shifting Paradigms and Individuality.  Please wish me luck. I am doing this alone. Like a responsible adult doing groceries or like a fisher because marine life is very abundant and relatively unlikely to eat him.

Okay making no sense,

My emotional capacity is exploding, at the moment. Presenting a portfolio isn't supposed to be nerve wracking right? Besides, the portfolio is MINE; Julia the PSYCHOPATH,

I remember this girl from school, she boldly presented a very strong portfolio. She said that you know you're doing it wrong when you're not completely happy about your work. Huge impact right there.


xx

Energy boost, please come along,

this feeling is like a long car ride

you don't know whether to put the windows

up or down

turn the radio volume up or down

waiting for a go signal when traffic jam has made
its decision to belong

the stretch you satisfyingly adore when the car stops
for gas and there's a convenient store making a thought cross your
mind to buy at least a bar of chocolate or two

the rain starts to pour and  your face becomes a part
of the gloomy weather,

you ask yourself
"why did i choose to take this path?"

but you still went on,
never stopped for you know that maybe something
out there is for you to reach

something out there can be yours as well

this life is one heck of a ride,
 sometimes we do not understand where it
takes us; most of the time, somewhere dark and
terrifying

there's a saying that goes "there is always a light at the
end of the tunnel"

truly there is.

"but where"

that's yours to deal. find it.
getting lost is alright. it prolongs the ride but it makes
your life the way it is right now, marvelously messy.

GO SEARCH FOR THE LIGHT, 

(rough)

"a mountain is what you see and feel it to be" (1)

two days ago:

I have never been on any mountain before. But I have heard and seen so many marvelous things about them. The way they were created and placed where they are evokes me for adventure. I am slightly in love with how they feel and keep still. Truly fascinating. This interest of mine started after reading countless articles and following variety of instagrams centering about art and their love for the mountains.

I forgot where I read this, probably Visual Strands, but it says that there is an enchanting and old world quality in mountains  that is easy to love but  hard to quantify and explain. I wrote this down on my handy notebook because I felt a lot of truth there. Coming from someone who hasn't experienced a bit of mountains, it's safe to say that there is absolutely something beneath the quiet of the mountains that catches ones soul.

Mountains cover 25% of this world. To some people they are home. Every now and then, I imagine myself up on a high mountain. The wind swooping all over the place and overseeing the city. Chirping birds and large trees everywhere. For me that's a nice calm practice when I'm a bit all over the place. I think mountains give out an indistinguishable premise. It's like the mountains serve as your security blanket. Truthfully, I wished there were more mountains around. Less cities and buildings. Our economy would be ten times better. I guess that's why a lot of people go hiking or rock climbing. Everyone, somehow, pursues escapism. And while, you're up there it feels as if recalling how surrounded you are with the entire spectrum of human emotions and for once, not care about it.

Today
(configuring and trying to refine thoughts to project the
supposed conclusion of this writing)


In this moment, I am feeling a bit of a total stuck up. When I woke up, I did my ordinary doings- toothbrushing, daily talk with God and breakfast eating. Seemed very ordinary. So no point really of appreciating it. But when I read the upper bit of this post, true enough, I again pictured myself up on a mountain. And I realised that everyone of us is experiencing a sequence of events that may never occur in that specific way ever again. It amazed me how that thought crossed my mind. Nowadays, we don't put in mind that we aren't placed here for an unknown reason. We have a purpose. Regardless of what others say because, honestly, we are all the same, subjectively. The way you respond to the circumstances you encounter today changes your tomorrows.

I know that, I was all talking about mountains. lol, I've casually shifted

In connection, the mountains don't think about what we can do for them. It is more of us thinking about what it can do for us. Similar to what we are almost always willing to do everyday. I'd like to think of mountains as friendly help. That when you don't have a clear mission, take time to think. Find your purpose. Be captivated. Don't lose passion. Just keep on doing what you love. You never truly know how much of a difference you've made in the world.

Good day xx

Look! An update!

Lately, I've been thinking about college

Gee

College is a very nice way to prepare us for the real deal...adulthood. In just a few years... you will officially be stepping into another adventure. The reason why I have this in mind is because I still have no clue what I want to take up,

I've always wanted to do something creative in life. Something that would make me want to go to work and not look forward to going home. There's also a part of me who wants to try something compelling- medicine, sociology, psychology

Ugh. I can't help but curl up with frustration. 

There are hundreds of majors I can choose from which, doesn't help; it makes it much harder that it already is. Let's be real.

I have a couple of concerns about my decision making. There are times when I'm so content and up in my happy place but there are also times when I make a wrong move. I don't want to screw up college by choosing the wrong course.

Pressure-cooker episodes. 

It's like seeing thousands of beautiful places but none of which evoking me to go there. Or like opening a collection of things wrapped in paper but not feeling anything. I want to be able to have my heart feel something on whatever I experience because without the emotions it's no use. I think that's why it's a tough job to pick from all the options in college. Or maybe I just don't know myself to the point where I don't know any real information about what I truly want to be?

masjdghasgf;

I'm almost out of the house so, I don't think I can continue on writing. I'll be back really soon.