WEIRD JUICE; here I am again with thoughts rolling in about vulnerability. Somehow the idea of it still is strange stranger danger. I can't put it into words to state the obvious. I picture an attractive-looking, fizzling, tall glass of juice. It's replenishing when you take it in because it brings forth honesty that allows me to process things within with careful hands. This leads to gladness. Maybe sometimes pain & sorrow. But even then, there is a sense of truth that won't get entangled by junk. It remains true that pulls harder than the earth's magnetic field. I don't know if that's scientifically correct. Probably not. Point is, I'm deeply thirsty and it can only be quenched by a deep pool of weird juice. I dread it, this juice. I think now, I might know why.
I've been on this forever train for so long! I've looked out the frosted window not realizing that I'm on a journey. It's frustrating when I'm not favored with the answers. So, I create my own. I spill the juice and my real feelings get defaced by confusion; the glory of the image that I mirror fades. My face then is veiled; blocked with a ten-foot wall of pretense. The spillage leaves a mark on the seat. There are two ways in this: One, the stain remains and rots every part of myself that I once knew, the Other is one that says, "I'll let it go to the cleaner who can actually do something about it." I've epitomized both but choosing the latter continues the progress.
Vulnerability scares me because I always feel like my thoughts come in stronger, knock me down harder and I wouldn't know how to revive my tired yellow heart. But the frosted window reminds me that I only see a portion and the fading glory maybe repaired within me when I focus on taking the next step forward. Drinking the juice puts me in a place of brokenness; a state of knowing that I am fully known yet fully loved and in this same place...
...blooms transformation in grace.
RAMEN; lasting satisfaction takes so long to arrive in this train station where I've been living for 19 years. So, many resolve with something less - cup noodles.
When "relationships" becomes the topic of conversation left & right, everybody, most especially the youth, moves closer enthusiastically. They sit in a circle and exchange stories proving to be better than the other. They laugh, tease, and maybe even cry because of a love that was awakened at the wrong time. As always, I can only speak out of my own experience. I don't talk about romantic relationships all the time though, it seems to be a favorite. Not only for my own protection as I guard my heart but for others', too. I am assuming responsibility for whatever the other person takes out of my sharing.
I've seen hearts fall in love and eventually fall out of it. Though it is common knowledge that eating cup noodles is unhealthy, people still seem to like it. CUP NOODLES & I AGAINST ALL ODDS. It doesn't become healthy no matter how hard you fight it. Why do we draw away from the Best things because of impatience? Is instant gratification worth it in exchange for something that lasts? DO I really think something right can spring out of the wrong ground?
I have learned to love the truth because it matters. Yes, it matters. When I tasted the goodness of Ramen there was no point of choosing anything less. This goodness is the standard. Waiting is never easy. But most of the time what makes it extra hard, causing you & I to give up, is when we become attached with a certain thing/person that we expect to be given to us even though they aren't meant to be ours. So, our hearts chant this, "if it's meant to be then it will be." Wow, super empowering in our waiting season but when we have something specific in mind then it loses its power. That phrase declares trust in the unknown. Thus, you mustn't strive and force things to happen. Please, let it be. If you want Ramen, you have to wait.
Maturity is the point of understanding that even if you don't receive the promised Ramen,
you won't consume the cheap substitute.
& A PARTY PLATTER; an example is what it takes to lead others to be one as well. There's this sense of confidence knowing that I wasn't redeemed by corruptible things. The high call of being done with pride and selfishness makes sense in the light of the cost. I shall not live as if I were garbage; seeming to have an aim but is in fact aimless. Everything I learn in private is senseless if not exercised or shared. Fervently this potential screams obligation and ability to be sincere. The more I behold the beauty of unity and setting aside self-service, the more I am compelled to fight for it.
The sun sets and melts through the shadows of the night, I am left with my anxious heart. I deal with loneliness as I realize that the path of harmony is the path less taken. Sometimes I desire the other direction just so I can still have a group of friends to call and they'd surprise me with these gold balloons for my birthday and we'll gossip about old high school batchmates. It saddens me how I don't influence them to stand in love. Rebuke gets stuck in my throat creating nasty lumps. I just don't want to be the cause of discord so, I remain in silence. As long as I don't say anything. Just nod and laugh with them. I'm a coward.
Preserving unity must involve telling the truth to people. I offer a chicken wing platter; good for 12. And with this opportunity to connect and forge real relationships, I can set seeds of incorruptible unity upon hearts. Watch it grow together with my old oak tree. Often when I meet with the ladies I look after, I'm discouraged when only one comes along. I wonder and ponder and wonder some more about how the others are doing. Bu through great struggles, my commitment shall endure not looking back but ahead. I would rather suffer for doing right because I have spent enough time living like the world - it is a profound and foolish waste. Despite the fact that it's strange not following or participating in their parties, I'm convinced that in the view of eternity it is much better to abstain from the rules of this deceitful world.
At first, it will just be me serving a platter but the more I spur and reach out, the others will willingly offer something for the common good. I know this for sure. Manifold grace - many colored grace. Each one of us has been given something that we can utilize and dish out to build others up.
So, I will stop at nothing until the table is filled.
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